#MWT SERIES: Making Your Marriage Work
Welcome to our Marriage Without Tears (#MWT ) Series.
What is marriage?
The word marriage is translated in Greek as “gameo”. The New Testament Book of the Holy Bible is written in Greek language. That is why it is important to look out the root word for marriage from the original tongue in which the word is copied before we can get the correct translation of the same word if we are not going to miss the meaning of the word. The sense in which a word is spoken is very important to its interpretation. When the interpretation of a word is correct, then its definition will be accurate. It is interpretation that determines definition.
The word marriage is interpreted as gameo which is a word from which gem is gotten.
“Gameo” means TO FUSE TOGETHER. To wed or marry a wife by joining.
It is the same word from which we have the word GEM
Gems are precious or semiprecious stones incorporated into a piece of jewelry. They are jewel, precious stone, diamond, emerald, pearl, ruby, sapphire.
It is a word that is also used to qualify an Art highly prized for its beauty or perfection
Precious stones which are all products of time, heat, and pressure in a long period of time from earth wastes, fused together as they are buried beneath the earth.
The action of heat on rubbles like coal, dirts, buried under the earth in a pressured condition over a very long period of time leads to formation of precious substance under the earth that miners dig for wealth. It is not a little work in any way that is done to discover these substances. It takes time, effort, pressure before the diamond can be formed under the earth.
This is exactly what marriage is liken to, in the light of the Greek translation of the word.
Marriage is the fusion that is made in valuable time under the condition of heat and pressure.
Marriage is the fusion of two distinctive humans into one flesh and it requires a life time of fusion to be completed. I mean a lifetime of fusion because there always will something new you will discover in your spouse from time to time. This is what makes marriage a mystery.
I got a mail in my inbox many years ago about a couple in America. This couple was old enough to be a 100 year apiece as reveled in the mail. From the interview they granted in the mail. They were asked some questions among which was ‘ what is it that interest you most in your spouse? The answer each of them gave reaffirmed to me that marriage is a mystery. A mystery that takes the matured to unravel. The answer was ‘from time to time, I see something different in my husband, the wife responded. The man said the same about his wife. New things always I see in him.’ These were not the words of young people in marriage, but people who were eighty years or more in marriage.
This reveals to me that true marriage does not become weaker under pressure. It is supposed to become stronger under pressure. True marriage does not wear out in time. It waxes stronger and stronger in time. God Almighty, the author of marriage does not exist in time, even though He relates with us in time, for this reason marriage lives on in the life of a partner whose spouse is no more. Souls have been tied. The spirit of marriage lives on with the partner that is still alive.
Malachi 2:13-15 MSG
“And here’s a second offense: You fill the place of worship with your whining and sniveling because you don’t get what you want from GOD. Do you know why? Simple. Because GOD was there as a witness when you spoke your marriage vows to your young bride, and now you’ve broken those vows, broken the faith-bond with your vowed companion, your covenant wife. GOD, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that’s what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you. Don’t cheat on your spouse.”
The hardest substance is diamond and you can’t cut a diamond with anything else except with another diamond. No one can break your marriage, except you permit them.
Principles of Marriage
Principles are guiding factors that make things work effectively.
What pillars are to a building are what Principles are to marriage. These principles can also be referred to a pillars of marriage. With these pillars in place, no flood, or storms that blow marriages away will be strong enough to pull down or destroy your marriage, under active covenant marriage condition, not just marriage covenant condition. Principles must be put in place for a successful marriage. the anchor of hope for the marriage in times of challenges are what principles are. As every marriage shall be tried, only those established on godly rules will survive the storms that blow against them.
Principle #1 : Love…unfeigned.
This love is a spiritual thing. It is not carnal in any way at all. This is the love that makes marriage work. There is a lot of confusion today about love. I wonder what kind of love there is from someone who does not have God. It can’t be but must be selfishness or affection.
To understand me better. God is Love. Love is God.
This is the love that will take a couple through ocean of sacrifice just for their marriage. With this kind of love, divorce will never be a consideration in times of crises. It forgives and overlooks error from the partners. Does not keep records of wrong done against it. It is total and sees hope in the partners.
2 Corinthians 6:6 (KJV)
6 By pureness, by knowledge, by longsuffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned,
1 Peter 1:22 (KJV)
22 Seeing ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit unto unfeigned love of the brethren, see that ye love one another with a pure heart fervently:
Was it love that brought two people of opposite sex together the first day they saw each other? I think it was affection.
The first thing that brings two people of opposite sex together is affection.
A successful marriage has little to do with with love alone. Where there is love, People go extra miles to make their marriage a success, the way they want it.
But I must say , Love is not everything that makes for a successful marriage. This is worthy of note.
Someone can love you and not love you enough to trust you with some things.
See this about our God.
John 3:16 (KJV)
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Jesus came to die for man to fulfill His God ordained purpose for mankind. Yet He would not trust man to commit Himself to him. Psalm 143:6; Job 15:15
John 2:24-25 (KJV)
24 But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men, 25 And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man.
There is more to making your a marriage work than loving.
Love does not guarantee success in marriage. Love is not qualification for marriage. Every divorced person was first in love with the person they divorced. Love can bring them together, but it does not keep them together.
Love brings happiness, but does not bring what it takes to make marriage work. He told you he loved you few days ago, now he’s coming back to say it to your face ” he regretted telling you ‘I do’ , I don’t love you anymore” . Marriage is not for irresponsible men and women.
Principle #2: Knowledge
Nothing more makes marriage work like knowledge.
Not knowing the scripture or the power of God. Matt. 22:23-25.
It is the working knowledge of a thing that makes it profitable. A system will always work, as long as the correct and relevant sense is put to it. It is the working knowledge of a thing that you have that puts you in command of such thing. It delivers results adequately.
You think or feel you love someone, but do know that person enough to live with him or her. Do you have knowledge of how to live with them? Do you know your spouse? How many books have you read about your spouse’ gender? There are countless books on men and women. Their temperament; understanding men and women; What a woman wants, what men Don’t like in women.
There is no way you won’t find answers to the questions of your marriage under a diligent study.
If only people will be diligent in enough in the school of marriage , they will never have a carry over, not to talk of being sent out of the school of marriage. Marriage is a school , designed for no one to graduate from. We are in that school permanently, enjoying the bliss and blessings it offers. This is divine. Yet , I think it delivers only to the diligent.
Proverbs 22:29 (KJV)
29 Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men.
The diligent hand is always in command.
Proverbs 12:24 (KJV)
24 The hand of the diligent shall bear rule: but the slothful shall be under tribute.
While the diligent hands are bearing rule in marriage, the slothful are suffering shame in marriage.
The knowledge of keeping a good home.
Marriage is not protected by love, it is protected by knowledge. Does it mean love doesn’t have positive impart on our marriage? That is not what I am saying. Marriage provides the opportunity to show God’s love to our partners. To make our home heaven on earth.
Marriage is an option given by God. It is created by God. It is a divine product. It is a divine option. Marriage is necessary for individual to fulfill God’s purpose for their lives. It is a choice and not mandatory. Yet, one can fulfill God’s purpose without being married as well.
It can enhance one’s destiny if well handled, or mar it if manhandled.
The disciples said.. then it is not good to marry. Matt.19:10. That statement was not condemned.
The most important decision you make, next to your salvation is who you plan to live with the rest of your life. By Dr. Myles Monroe.
It is not buying a house. It is building a home. Don’t you confuse a house with a home.
Principles #3: Sacrifice
Sacrifice is the key to the door of marriage. If you are not ready and willing to sacrifice for your marriage then you are in a menace. The sacrifice of your time for communications with your spouse must not be given to something else. Sacrifice of your possessions vowed before the altar of God on your wedlock day. Being ready to show affections even when your are not in the mood. Don’t you say you are not in the mood. When you start, mood will come and give you a new experience of the moon. Your love for your spouse speaks volume in how much you are willing to sacrifice for the marriage. John 3:16.
You just have to be there for your spouse come rain come sun. Will you say because your spouse did something wrong , you will not identify with him or her in the mess. If you have done what is right, may be that would have been prevented. Somebody says but my spouse would not listen…, don’t stop teaching, correcting, bearing with, and more importantly praying for your spouse. Very soon, he will adjust. Very soon she will adjust when you correct in love. But you adjust first. See scriptures above.
Ephesians 5:2 (KJV)
2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
Ephesians 5:33 (KJV)
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Galatians 6:1-4 (KJV)
1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. 2 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. 3 For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. 4 But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.
Principle #4: Commitment
Your commitment to your marriage must be total. Unreserved commitment is the strength of the successful relationship. To make your marriage work, your commitment to it must be unflinching.
Your location at a time is not a threat to a relationship that is guarded with commitment from parties involved in it. Distance between couple becomes a threat when parties break the rules of intimacy.
Thank God for your work, much more demanding from us than our work is our marriage. You must till your land before it can yield. If it is left unattended to it will grow weed.
Proverbs 24:29-34 (KJV)
29 Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me:
I will render to the man according to his work.
30 I went by the field of the slothful,
and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding;
31 And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns,
and nettles had covered the face thereof,
and the stone wall thereof was broken down.
32 Then I saw, and considered it well:
I looked upon it, and received instruction.
33 Yet a little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to sleep:
34 So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth;
and thy want as an armed man.
Work must not override intimacy required in marriage. Create time for your family. It takes the two of you to raise your children. I mean the man and the woman. Not man and man, or women and woman. Any union, other than the two opposite in holy matrimony, is a very wrong atmosphere to raise children.
Don’t bring your friendship with other people above that you have with your family. When challenges come, it is your family that will be there for you before others can think of you, that is even if they are not the reasons for the problems.
Don’t run external relationship at the expense of your marriage. A symptom of danger in marriage is when your spouse can’t tell what you do or where you are at each point in time.
What do you put into that marriage to make it work? It can only work as much as you are willing to make it. It can only go the extent you are willing to take it.
The glory of marriage is in the commitment of the partners.
It does not require a fortune to make your marriage work. Words of commitment and assurance with attended works can do a lot. Show financial commitment to your marriage. It does not matter how little, it will be appreciated by your partner if you can make him or her understand,
Principle #5: Trust
Love is given, while trust is earned. You earn trust. It is not bought with money. It takes good attitude to your relationship to earn the trust of your partner. Once trust is lost, to get it back will take long. How easy is it to trust a one time adulterer or adulteress? The stigma becomes a reference for life. Even if they decide not to discuss it, it is still in their mind.
When you are away, can your partner trust you? Can you be trusted with money or the opposite sex? Did you fulfill the last promise you made to her?
Build trust in your partner. Make a little promise and keep it. Make a big one , and keep it. Before you realize it, it becomes easy for your spouse to trust you again. May your spouse be able to trust you again and at all times in Jesus name.
Don’t go where you said you won’t go , don’t do what you said you won’t do again. This is how to build trust. Fear God at all times in your words and actions. Why hide your ATM pin, if you want to earn your partner’s? She found money in your stockings after you have told her you don’t have money, so you can’t help. It is love unfeigned.
Marriage is the first institution put in place by God and not man. Only God had the manual, His word, to make it work. The spirit of marriage is not with the registrar at marriage registry.
Mediation centres can’t find solutions to issues bedeviling marriages. Until this Institution works effectively in our hands, all other institutions that rest on it will not work. If the home is good, the nation will not only be good, it will also be great. The answers to marital issues can only be gotten from God who gave man His the secrets to a successful marriage in His word.
Pastor Olanrewaju6 Posts
is a branch pastor with Testimony Chapel International, Lagos. Prior to and after joining TCI in 2002, living in Ibadan and Lagos, Remilekun Chris Olanrewaju developed a career in various positions in engineering, sales and business management, academic institution and The Gospel Ministry to fulfill his calling. He has served as account manager, team leader, technologist, part time lecturer in Yabatech, and he is executive director with Wallace Bee International Ltd. He equally serves as both pastor and member of Board of Directors in TCI. Remi has HND in Engineering from Yaba College of Technology, Nigeria (2003) and MBA from Ladoke Akintola University of Technology, Ogbomoso, (2010). He is a certified member of ISMM, UK, and NIM (Certified). He graduated from World of Faith Bible Institute, WOFBI, Lagos (2001), SOD from RCCG, and obtained PGD in theology from RCBC, Mowe (2010). He coordinates a platform that brings healing to family life on twitter: Marriage Without Tears. He is married to his darling wife Oyindamola Olanrewaju and God has blessed their marriage with two children.